So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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