you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
