I got chris browned last night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
