You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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