The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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