So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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