i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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