i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
