we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
