Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
