Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
