Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
