girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
