I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
