When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
