i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
