i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
