The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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