Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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