i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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