I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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