Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
