I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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