butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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