I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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