the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
