i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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