I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
