i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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