So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
