The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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