Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
