So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
