I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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