That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
