He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
