Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she told me i tasted like america
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
