and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
