well you can't waste a boner
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
