Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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