When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
