I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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