Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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