The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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