Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
