Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
