At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
