Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
