I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
