Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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